Choice of Life Choices
It occurred to me tonight as I was
talking to my friend Hanna on the phone that I am probably the happiest I have
ever been at this point in my life then I have ever been before, and it got me
to thinking why, why now?
What is it about my life now that
makes me feel this is the best I have ever felt. Today was nothing special and
yesterday was the same and tomorrow will probably be no different either, so why
is it that I can feel more complete today then I thought possible?
have given a lot of thought lately to the choices I have made over the last couple
of months and I think back on the decision making process that led to me making
those choices and I feel that I have given myself a lot more ability to make a
wider range of choices then I have ever experienced in my life before which leads
me to believe that the more choice I have in the direction my life takes the happier
I will be, and that by allowing myself more choice in the future, I will have
more of a choice about what will make me happy.
really understood this until tonight but living on the street is a truly limited
experience of what life has to offer and if more streeties were given the opportunity
that has been given to me they would see that there is more to life then sleeping
under a bridge or in a squat and having to deal with the problems they face every
day, which is a choice most make because they have lost faith that there are other
choices they can make.
If I were to ask most streeties
where they saw themselves in five years time most of them would say right where
they are, living on the street and I would have been no different, I would have
said the same thing.
They have lost their ability to see
that there are other choices out there that they can make, and there are a lot
of reasons for this occurring from being drug dependent to being emotionally crippled
and not being able to see through their own pain to the ignorance of some who
are approached by some streeties who do want to change there life and get back
there power of choice over their life, and are misunderstood or judged as not
I feel that I have used the time I have
been of the street to exercise my freedom of choice in a extremely positive way
and this has led me to feeling the way I do today, for instance I gave up smoking
the other day and the effect on me physically was pretty extreme, I had huge mood
swings and I still am experiencing them to a degree though nowhere near to the
point I was a few days ago, but the effect it has had on my view on life has been
the total opposite.
I feel very pleased that I have made
the choice to give up smoking and it was the same for me when I decided to stop
using drugs, the immediate effect wasn't very easy to cope with but because I
stuck with my choice and didn't give up, the overall benefit to my life has been
very rewarding and with each problem in my life that I choose to tackle and succeed
in the next choice becomes that much easier to overcome, and the range of problems
that I can choose to overcome within my life has been slowly increasing in scope
and the impact that they will have on my life.
areas of my life that I haven't yet been capable of understanding what will be
required of me to first locate and define, then deal with, but I feel now that
it is possible for me to at the very least entertain the idea that all the things
in my life that have been crippling my ability to function in society productively
are now just as simple to choose not to perpetuate as what it was to perpetuate.
There are so many choices that I have learned I can
make in life and now that I know that they are there for me to make it makes me
think about all the choices I missed out on and all the choices I will be able
to make in the future, I know that I will make some wrong choices and I know that
I will have to make some choices that I won't enjoy or that will hurt me or someone
I love, but I believe that my life will be so much richer for having the chance
to make those choices and live through the learning curve of having made the choices
that control where I am heading in life and how I live that I wouldn't give up
the chance of making those choices for all the tea in China, I think that this
is what living is really supposed to be like and I believe I am only now starting
to live a lifestyle of choice instead of a choice of lifestyle.