Journey So Far (Fri 7th August 04)
Journey so far.
So it has now been three months now
since I started on my journey and I thought it time that I take a bit of time
and reflect on my life and talk about the changes that I have undertaken and the
results of those changes have had on my life to date.
guess the biggest thing that has changed in my life is my living arrangements,
I now have had stable accommodation for the longest period in my life and this
has been quite different for me, first it has shown me that there is another way
I can choose to live and secondly the time I have spent of the street has been
very beneficial to the way I live.
I have reached a point
in my life where things are slowly taking on a very normal perspective that is
that I now look at the world in a way that is almost "normal" if there
is such a thing as normal.
I guess that the past three
months have shown me that my view on life has not been "wrong" but just
not really suited to the way I want to live and there are certain things about
myself that I need to change in order to make my journey easier.
of these things have not been as easy for me to change as I would like but then
some things have been easier then I thought they would so I guess I'm even in
I have made a lot of self discoveries and found
out a lot of things about myself that I never really understood before and this
has been one of the other major changes in my life.
have a much clearer view of who I am then I have ever had in the past, I have
always known what I was but not who, and I have been discovering new things about
myself nearly every week that have truly amazed me, not just the things in my
life that made me into the person that I was, but the things that are making me
into the person I want to be.
The way that I have seen things
in the past I wouldn't call it wrong, but more that I just had so many things
clouding my judgment that I could never see a clear image of myself, and now that
I have taken a lot of the objects and problems out of the way I am finally starting
to get a clear picture of myself.
This has helped me to
understand a lot of the pressures the life I led put me under and why I am happier
now that I don't have a lot of them in my life anymore.
on the street is a hard life and the time I spent there did a lot of emotional
damage to me that will take a long time to heal, and then there are a lot of problems
that I am going to face in the future that I know will be extremely hard for me
to deal with in a way that reflects the person I want to be.
temptation to revert and take the problem on in a street way will be almost to
hard to resist, one of the changes I am finding quite hard to adapt to, I can
do it but I find it very hard which isn't a bad thing it just means I have a lot
more work to do before I find the answer.
I have found
that there are some things that I will always deal with in my street way, and
I'm not worried about these things as they are usually just ordinary tasks or
problems that don't really need to be dealt with a special way so I haven't needed
to change my methods to much, but the ways I have changed are more to do with
how I interact with society and the world in general, which was what I think needed
changing the most and I still think that there are things that still need attention.
keep checking in please and if you have any questions please e-mail me: magishian
at gmail dot com and I will try and answer any question you might have.